precious commodities.

one of the most precious and valuable commodities going around these days is time.

every second was a precious moment, know i'm thinking about the path i've chosen..

we are all short of it. we all want more of it. and some may wish to control it.

as the year draws to its end, never before have i seen such a commodity being so valuable - a commodity which seems to be wasted a lot. an hourglass, i think, would be a good analogy to use. as time runs out, grains of sand fall to the bottom of the hour glass. each grain of sand may seem insignificant on its own, just like the seconds and hours we have in a day, but when put together, they prove to be something of worth. also, each grain of sand can be symbolic of what you decide to do with it; whether you use it productively, invest successfully, or whether you disregard it due to its insignificance.

holidays, exams and everything is coming to an end. i wish there was more time at hand. more sand in the hour glass. i don't want that last grain of sand to drop, as it'll all be over by then.

some people often wish they could also turn back time, to do things differently, to right wrongs, and turn back the regrets they make. some use time as an excuse, as if they have plenty to spare. whether some people have the patience for such time is a different story. some people spend their whole lives just waiting, wasting time, watching each grain of sand drop in the hope they by the time the hourglass finishes, something of hope occurs as it is turned over once again.

whilst time can be seen as a valuable commodity, it can too, be something of negative value. time and the absence of seems to be what tears people apart, whilst time and the presence of, can also bring people together. some people say give it time, and it seems that others may just have been giving them time since the beginning and is just waiting for it to become all better again. but does giving something time really mean to completely ignore it and disregard it completely?

seconds, hours so many days, you know what you want, but how long can you wait, every moment lasts forever, when you feel you've lost your way.

evolving tunes.

it's funny how songs can mean one thing to you one day, and the next, it gives you a whole new meaning to it - just like people.

lyrics you hear may often relate to yourself, your current mood, your current point in life. as time goes on, whilst these lyrics remain the same, there is a difference sense to it. the meaning that is conveyed. whether the words synonymously remind you of someone else, or represent something new that is similar and replaced what was there before, meanings change constantly; both connotations and denotations. sometimes, these words just fade; and everything it stood for just dissipates.

the melody you hear may be music to your ears one day, but a complete racket the next. the tempo, pitch and rhythm all add to the mood - more poppy fast catchy tunes for moments of happiness, with slower more stripped back ballads to represent something sad.

most people constantly update their playlists and by doing so, old songs, what they represent and just the presence of them eventually fade out and disappear. recently i've been listening to more old school songs on my ipod. old songs, which i found sent quite a significant message to myself, old songs which represented certain people and particular memories - whether good or bad. as i listen to them, the meaning of each song has evolved. whilst i try to bring myself to the frame of mind of where they used to be, for some, it's simply too hard. with some, there is regret, with others, it's free, with some, there's a sense of yearning.

subtle&smooth.

don't you just love how direct and blunt some people are? or how others like to subtly ask you or tell you things?

so today, someone subtly asked me for a lift. i didn't mind. i was more than happy to drive them home as i consider them a good friend. whilst driving another one home from tutor today, we were talking about another kid scabbing lifts now that i can drive. we both laughed. the answer to if he did, would be no. some people don't understand what is asking too much, or just too troublesome.
1 it's not on the way
2 i find you annoying
3 your a scab

sometimes there are limits as to what you can ask from certain people. i guess i can relate this back to my english studies and social distances. LOL but anyone with common sense would know, what is appropriate and inappropriate.

i love how people subtly ask things. i love how they try and transition from one topic to another smoothly without any awkwardness just so they can get to their point. it's quite entertaining to watch those people dig a hole for themselves.

update.

so after pretty much zero sleep two nights ago, last night i got some pretty decent sleep.

another stampeded of sacs is over. so can finally take a breather. cept i have an english one due next week....which i haven't started.

pretty chill for uni bio atm now too, since just finished some pracs and assignments and midsemester test! woohoo...go ms danks who is only meant to supervise! *hands in blank questions to her...."i'd recommend writing this and this and this down." =D WINN!

so got my Ps...and have driven around lots already. bahahahhahaha almost half a tank of petrol gone?...which i don't needa pay for =D chauffeuring people around already...and doing very dodgy things...nearly death by bubblecup today. bahahahha

today was pretty chill i guess...whilst the whole school got to sleep in, our class voted to have class in the morning instead. o wells. double spesh IA disappeard, then i had the bio exam and was late to chem...meh. drove people home, went to bh and then tutor. biggest lols@neap these days. PLS BOIS! went to play some pool n chill deep with jason then drove him home..his mother rang..appar doesn't trust P platers? GGG

now to research and study the city hard for tmr =D legs are going to die! but should be fun. then to takes the grandma out to dinner since i can drive n dad is bailing us again ==;

cbs derrick work. cbs skl hwk. LOL

misc.

recently, someone said to me, "ian, i feel like i've gotten to know you a lot better this year!" - the whole group of us laughed when he said it, but in doing so, i guess he had a point. i guess we often get to know others a lot better in short instances, but whether or not the friendship has the endurance in varying situations, is a different story.

so i read this on one of my friend's blog lately:

I always believe in this rule, win some lose some give some take some. Except it gets to you when all you do is lose. However, I think you learn more when you lose so maybe I have learnt enough for now =]

i guess everyone wants to get what they want, to put in the efforts and reap the rewards. but whilst we do spend time sowing the seeds and watering the plants, when it's time for harvest, we may not always expect the yields of crops that we are looking for.

reading the quote, i guess i saw different sides of people i didn't expect to see. whilst some people keep a brave face in front of others, the other side of their vulnerability is often something that is rare to be seen. and it is when we actually see glimpses of this facade that we begin to understand where a person may come from, that we delve deeper in with curiosity.

p is for passed.

so today i PASSED my Ps.

i was actually quite worried as i screwd uP a lot of the things; like the Parking, and i missed a turn. GG

o wells...i've Passed now and that's what matters. i drove to uni bio where we did a Prac. man do i hate Peak hour traffic.

now to come home n study for my midsemester exam for bio tomorrow. im so tired too...did not get any sleeP at all last night. nerves i guess, and lots on my mind.

things change and time itself also Passes. some things can't be change, and at times, whilst we would like to give it time, time is the only thing that has kept it going.

so tired...qqqq need sleeP. i can drive again tmr! yays...gonna get sick of it soon, maybe.

can't belive...we have class Period one tomorrow when we have a late start -0-

adequacy.

what is adequate? what is appropriate? and what is taking it too far?

a lot of problems between people are often raised amongst people due to the being a lack of something. a lack of respect. a lack of care. a lack of love. a lack of trust.

what may be substantial to one person, may be inadequate to another. to some, we often offer the best, put everything out there on the table, with nothing held back and everything to lose. on the other hand, there are those we have our reservations for - the slight doubt and uncertainty that arises from putting everything on the line, knowing that you yourself will get hurt. so why the lack of blahblahblah? why is it hard to let go, to jump into freefall and just appreciate what is in front of you.

whilst the lack of blahblahblah may often cause ripples between people, and at worse, completely push two people away, it often makes certain people realise what has been right in front of them - i know, how cliche. in saying that, to those that are pushed to the limits and beyond the point of return, all they are able to do is either mope around at their loss, hurt deep inside but at the same time be happy for the times they've had together, be happy that the other is happy from a distance, or just let go and forget everything they had ever existed.

sometimes inadequacy is better than nothing. most people would rather to have something than nothing right? but it gets to a point where that something may begin to feel forceful. letting go may be hard and hurtful, but holding on a pretending aches even more in the long run.

vtac.

vtac application done!
except i keep wanting to change the order of my preferences >.<
why must it be so hard to decide on a future?

hopefully i obviously get into my first preference - medicine.
ambition - pediatrician@royal children's hospital ^^

cbs scholarship apps now, maybe later. XD

life and games.

lies. manipulation. deception. betrayal and the whole lot. when it comes to life, it is these things that come to trouble us.

most of us take life seriously. for those who take the piss out of things, whilst it may seem like a game to you, it's other people's lives you are messing with.

people often do things for their own benefit. when it comes to a dog eat dog world, everyone fends for themselves. but to what degree of it does it allow you to start messing with other people's lives? messing with people's minds and manipulation may be entertaining for some to watch, that is, to watch another person crash and burn. you may laugh at the catastrophe that is has caused, but for those affected, it's their life you just ruined, and it's now their hell.

certain people may say one thing to one person, and something else to another. they try and put their own spin on things, they try to gain the numbers when it counts. they do all this, for the attention, for the satisfaction, and it shows they have no purpose in life at the moment pretty much.

people dog one another and rat others out.

trust.

trust is something that is hard to gain, but very easy to lose.
whilst it is the one thing that many people value the most, it is also something that many take advantage of.

how do you trust someone? at what costs do you go to gain their trust? and at what stakes are you going to put that trust on the line?

just like an investment, the trust you invest could drop rapidly like shares in a stock market, whilst some may just throw it away themselves.

sometimes all it takes is a little bit a trust. just that extra little bit of faith.

whilst sometimes, one truth can be mixed in with a large web of lies. one of which the truth cannot be found.

fear.

fear. fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat. it is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger.

pain, threat and danger all stimulate us to fear.

pain. physical pain. emotional pain. it can all be agonising. mourning the loss of someone. recovering from injury. or being bullied can increase that fear that is built up within you.

threat. the threat of a reduced lifespan. the threat of being alone. the threat of realizing what you onced believed in was all a lie can trigger fear and cause many irrational responses.

danger. when in danger, fight or flight kicks in. we fear for our lives. we fear for our safety. and we fear for our loved ones.

there are many people within society who live in fear. who cannot or do not want to speak up. some live with this fear because they do not have a choice. a cancer patient will always live in fear during the remission period for an onset and relapse may occur at any moment. parents have an instinct to fear for the safety of their children.

there are also those who fear for the smaller things. the fear of being alone. the fear of losing everything. the fear that they aren’t good enough. it is often very hard to find that confidence within yourself to stand up and be strong. it is at times to tackle issues head on. and at times, it may be too dim to find the assertiveness you need in order to succeed,

because of you.

ne-yo: because of you

we can get worked up so much over one person. we can get over fixated.
after all of the efforts and times that i tried, maybe i was in way too deep

because of you, some people are willing to give up their lives, to fall head over heels, just for some tender, love and care.

it’s funny how one person can impacts another’s life with such significance. their mere existence can sometimes be the drug that sends an addict on a high. when controlled, this is good, but sometimes it can get out of hand.

we’re all willing to do certain things for particular people in our lives. some live for them, some breathe for them. there are those that complain that they lack anyone close. i find at times, these people seem to be oblivious to what is right in front of them.

….and it’s all because of you

relocation.

new beginnings =)

fulcrum.

it's funny how life can change in an instant. one minute you may be on top of the world, the next, something drags you down so bad that you cannot get back up.

like a seesaw with a fulcrum in the middle, life is balanced when nothing drastic or huge is put on it. put something on either of the sides and the balance shifts. in a way, one side of the seesaw could be seen as good news, joy, your sanctuary. in contrast, the other side would be the opposite, your nightmare, your hell, just somewhere you would want to escape out of.

in life many things hit you hard, and sometimes just like a seesaw with a toddler and a fat kid on either side, the balance cannot shift, no matter how hard you try. whilst you may be contempt with yourself if you were on the side that is your sanctuary and wouldn't mind just sitting there with things on your side, if you were on the other side, and if you were the fatty, no matter how hard you try to kick up or push, whilst you may elevate up, you will always end up coming back down to the ground, not levelled on balanced with the other side, but back down, deep into the ground.

you can't control what happens in your life. just like a seesaw in a park cannot control who sits on it, and sits on what side respectively. you can only hope for the best, and expect the worst. whilst most people go on about three simple words making their day, even the smallest of words can crush all hope you have left in the world, all the optimism you have and all the beliefs you once stood strong for. whilst some words people crave to hear, there are some, people fear and dread to hear as it may be sooooooo heavy it breaks the seesaw x]

secrets.

secrets. we all have them. some big ones. some not so big ones.

but why exactly are they secret? is it actually because you don't want anyone to know, or the fact that you don't have to courage to express it.

people keep secrets, as it is something for themselves, and maybe the people they really trust to share with. a lot of the times, they are kept locked away, because of the consequences and repercussions that would follow. some may be acts of selfishness, whilst others may be somewhat noble. whilst most people say that sharing helps you unload and take the insurmountable stress and pressure off you, there are times where it can do more damage than good.

at times, you may as well shut up about certain things, and keep them to yourself, as being open about it would only cause more people to be upset, annoyed, frustrated etc. may as well have one person suffering as opposed to a whole bunch. another reason to learn when to shut up about these things is when someone does tell you somethings, and it becomes front page news, when they've personally confided in you. secrets are called secrets for a reason.

come and gone.

it's funny how fast people can walk in and out of your life. it's funny how fast time changes things. and it's funny how some people cannot take the hint with things or are just too oversensitive about things.

long weekend = zero work.

friday night = jailbreak ipod and then up all night playing games and thinking. thinking about change and certain people. thinking about how hard it is to let go.

saturday = city. i went to watch step up 3D. went to states in the morning. sometimes it's easier to make the effort to avoid things, fake a smile and pretend everything is okay. xD we played pool, had lunch, movie and then more time wasted on ipod. LOL dynamics between people do become interesting, and it gets to a point at times where it's like '. . . .'



sunday = khalil&fiona. morning i had derrick ha. then arvo went to city for more pool...again. dinnered and then went to khalil fong concert. one song sung by fiona really hit me. her mindset when writing the song i felt reflected how i feel at times. and she sung it dearly, which i enjoyed.

monday = no school - josh's bday. karaoke. dinner. (Y) enough said.

so anyhow. change. it happens all the time. and people around you change. and the feelings you have for people change too. anger, hate frustration, joy, comfort, safety, warmth etc. and whether or not you want it to be, half the time these feelings aren't mutual. you hate someone, they don't get the hint. you want someone there, they don't get the hint. etc LOL this probs makes no sense, but the things i'm trying to get out i feel, are summed up by the song above, change by miwa, and a change is coming by steph mcintosh.

also...who's ever dreamt of the dead? i seem to always dream of my grandpa this time of year. around his bday. without consciously thinking about it either. he was really close with ivan, and i enjoyed his company when he was around. time flies when thinking about it. and i guess it sometimes gets really upsetting when thinking about such memories, what has happened, what could have happened, and all the things and possibilities of different scenarios just playing around in your head. you get used to someone, and then realise they're not there for you anymore. not there to share your jokes. not there to spoil you. and just not there in general. i was never close to grandparents on my mum's side, but i am really close with the ones on my dad's side. the dream i had really showed reflected i guess the absence that is there now. something that won't be there anymore. something that cannot be replaced. it's weird dreaming of such dreams, but at the same time, they just make you think about the people you have in your life.

progress.

how is it at times we can feel we have made so much progress. improved on so much, that nothing can set us back, whilst at times we can feel that no progress is made at all - that it isn't really worth the efforts, and just feel like giving up.

sometimes i just feel one day you can be on top of the world and feel like you've accomplished so much, and then the next day, it's all taken away + more. i feel as though in certain situations, progress is made, but then it is backtracked. i go two steps forward and then three steps back.

whilst going forward i feel as though everything is worth it, but then when it does go downhill, it's hard not to feel like 'what's the point' or 'why should i bother'.

friends that cost.

so to carry on from a previous blog about the quotes i found:

But nowadays, when love can be exchanged for benefits, friendship can buy power.
Is it really that naive and silly to pursue true love and true friendship?

this isn't a post about finding true friendship. it's more about the cost of a friendship. does friendship actually cost/come at a cost. can it really be assigned a monetary value, a dollar sign?

can different friendships come at different prices?

i guess i too have at times considered different people to be worth different amounts when buying stuff, and have also considered the amount of money i've spent on certain people and whether all that money is a waste.

sometimes my dad even says, the money he spends on me, is like an investment. and he is waiting for high returns from me. so do we all put in certain amounts only because we hope to gain a certain return? or do we put in what we see fit as to not come at a loss here?

should friendships really be judged by cost? right now, some people have amazed me by their actions and words yet again.

midyears + vtac.

midyears:
surprised
shocked
idk what to say x]
may as well stick with the idc rq attitude
has workd well for me so far . . .

vtac:
doing my head it
the options
the preferences
bahhhhhh

and this all ends so soon!