rant.

o hai. im your good friend who thinks you're totally dumb and oblivious to everything around you so much that i can lie to you and get away with it without you finding out. that's how much i value our friendship. i lie because you overreact and pressure me too much and you act like a chick in a relationship about everything.

just when i thought things were getting better after some rockiness, you decide to just kick me in the balls and throw it all away again as if it isn't worth it because YOU don't see it as that big a deal. you think i react over small things, but it's the small things that you think i fall for and play me like a fool that pisses me off.

ps. stolen from another blog:
People who tell small lies are the worst ones. Hence they're compulsive liars. Even if the lie seems small, it shows you that if they can lie to you about small things, which don't mean a thing really, they can lie to you about everything.

keenann.

Keenan
COMPOSITION OF IANS BIRTHDAY PRESENT: DAVID $50 CRYSTAL $50 JONOCHOI $100 KCHIU $10!?

Keenan says:
*we wanna
*shit on
*your boxhill friends
*"and make them shit our shit out"

Keenan Chiu > deciding on Ian Victor Tang's present is making me QQ

sorry.

how gg is that pic? i think that it's all true in every sense. XD and most the time, lying, truth and pain all comes into it. how we protect people, how we find out if they care or not, how we see whether they are honest, and how we wonder if they appreciate you.

another thing that is similar to this is the sincerity of an apology. sometimes a simple sorry can mean nothing at all, whilst at times, people actually put a lot into a sorry. but how much is a sorry worth? especially when time and time again that person just does it over and over.

sometimes you can forgive and forget, but sometimes it's really hard to. especially if that trust that was there was just taken away in an instant due to certain actions. i sometimes don't understand how people can just say sorry with such emptiness, especially those who are closer to you. saying sorry does not mean that you will repeat doing what you are sorry for over and over. otherwise there's no point apologizing.

other times, when you feel you've finally let go of something and put it behind you, thinking that you won't care anymore or let it effect you in any way, the smallest words, or the simplest actions, and bring you back through a roller coaster of emotions and make you fall for it again. x]

is it worth hearing those heart-warming words, but them stumbling upon them time and time again. to feel appreciated for a second, but then to feel ignored for hours?

blehhhhh!

competition.

vce - we're all competing against one another. so why help each other out? of course you want your friends to do well, but what about your other "classmates". to help them out, or to sabotage?

the world is really a dog eat dog world. and although you may all be friends, when push comes to shove, everyone fends for themselves.

i guess after getting sac results back, along with hearing it from others, i'm a really competitive person. but can you really blame me for wanting to do the best?

besides vce, i guess life is pretty competitive too. people always wants what's best for them, regardless of what else happens. some may call that being selfish, whilst some may call that saving themselves. little actions, or decisions in certain situations, people may act like they are doing it for the team, but in fact, they just want it for themselves. eg a certain incident today with some $$$ ==; or just a general what should we eat? someone suggests something, everyone goes okay! person who suggested it, gets what they want.

on numerous occasions, these things happen all the time. but we all don't realise, even i do it myself sometimes i guess. and there are also many different sides to these stories i guess that can be told. many show different views, and quite often express what happens differently.

recently i've heard many different versions of the same stories. i laugh at how each one shifts the blame and how each one seems to tell a different story to a certain degree. not only does it reflect on the person telling the story, i find it also hard to trust which story to believe as well. it also makes trust between people a lot harder, but at the same time, i just laugh.

too ceebs to think much deeper, have already been at this a while now but im in holiday mood already. =D

so holidays
i has hwk ==;
GAYYY!
im so full too! epic feasting of chips today...and free drinks at gloria jeans.
didnt get to shout josh icecream though. lol
not mcuh plannd for hols atm.
but wen i come to think of it, at the same time i kinda do.
and bday things...im excited =)

soz eugene if this is fail, my brain is fried now. >_<

chillaxing.

so although there's one more day of school, since the long weekend after exams, i've been on holiday mood already even though i had a uni exam and 3 sacs after that. wednesday was my last of the 3 sacs...and im officially in holiday mood. idc even though there's still school...not gonna do any work...chillaxing to the max!

stress is finally over...but appar im getting sick ==; zzzzzzzzzzzzzz worst time ever to get sick. spesh sac...maxd it. i scare myself for no reason sometimes. XD too much pressure.

today was good. first and only thursday that i don't have uni bio and can enjoy. so i slept in til 9ish and finishd at 12ish. went to the city with bryce...visited ollies new takeaway store and got food. i was being a stinge..but turns out couldve gotten lots more for free. lol@bryce....im with him...give me exactly the same. LOLLL! then went to play pool. and got pwnd. free hour of pool...lost 6-0. GFG!

then more pool later with asians and won games...tbh though i never actually won for myself...ppl lost by default.

twas a pretty chill day...just like last nite going to the talent show. GG phantomcrew. no work at all tonite. cbs. and tmr nite too. BAHAHAHHAHAHA hopefully i catch up and maybe go ahead this hols xD lots to do and study

hhd sac back tmr :S

gg..so i started this blog ages ago...but i keep getting distracted bahahahahahha

anyhows...hols coming up. first day...fkn some shit at uni, then holidays ^^ desserts coming up...celebrations for my 18th..finally gettin excited...tutor ==; and maybe some driving lessons.

free time = time to relax and stuff...so mcuh drama i wanna watch but cbs starting them now..wanna just watch them all in one go. LOL

also time away from ppl. space..sometimes its good in a way...sometimes u totally forget about something...realising that it's not that important to you, and not of that much worth. however, you may think you've let go of something, but when something remote reminds you of it, rushes, feelings and sensations may come flooding back, leading you back to the way you were before. also, other times, the time away and distance and space in between makes you realise how much you yearn for something. how much you miss something too. idk how these emotions and feelings work :S theyre a bitch to understand. LOLLL if only life were simple. XD

time.

time passes quickly. there are 86 400 seconds in a day and most people waste them away.

finally i have some time to myself. home alone, nobody on. nothing to distract me.

sometimes life can be a whirlwind. things approach time and time again and you just get sick of it. sometimes you tell yourself you can do it, but when you attempt to physically achieve it, you just don't have the strength to. and from time to time, it can just be exhausting to keep that mask on your face that people recognise as you.

sometimes, all you need is some time to yourself. to cool down. to think. and to just wander off.

amongst all the stuff mentioned in my last post recently, many other things have happened and been eyeopening. certain friendships have been rekindled whilst others seem to be going nowhere. but how do we deal with all the intrarelationships and interrelationships? it's hard to satisfy everyone's needs, and sometimes, by doing so, you don't satisfy your own needs. it may feel like you're treading in deep water when you act one way to one person and another way to another and just totally change facades towards a certain person in totally different situations. i guess in a way, i'm just sick of all the interrelationships between people that causes so much conflict, awkwardness and confusion. it wastes time, and energy and increases stress levels. and considering the importance of this final year of schooling, sometimes i wish it would all just go away and that everything was alright. however i'm not saying everyone should fake it all and act as happy families.

having such little time to myself, i realise how busy i've been, how much i've been working, wasting time away, how much time i've been spending on others, and totally neglecting myself. there are times when you should just think of yourself, and yourself only, but i always seem to forget that. i never seem to put myself first, and that's something i should work on. some people seem to only get closer to you as they have ulterior motives. they seem to use you and act as if they don't and that nothing is okay. sometimes, peoples motives are crystal clear. and yet we hang around to be treated like a rag doll. second best. you may be totally open to one person, total honesty and share everything, but then when you think about, how much do you know in reutrn of that person, how honest are they, and how much have they opened up to you besides the things that you can see and observe quietly. are these people the right people you should be telling things to?

"if you think love is blind, that i wouldn't see the flaws between the lines"

however, there are some, who are there to listen, who are there to share insight and who are there with total honesty. not only do you confide in them, but they confide in you too. this trust is sometimes every hard to find. and when i say confide, i do not mean just rant and bitch about a person and stuff, i mean sharing how you really feel, something meaningful and of depth. how often do you find someone like that?

with time on my hands right now, these are some of the things i guess im thinking about. time passes and life goes on. i guess some things change and although it may be inevitable, we can only hope that they change for the better.

i guess in short, sometimes i just want to forget about the whole world, have the time to myself and ignore all the kefuffle that there is. i just want problems to disappear, and wander off in my own bubble. at time like this, you just want each second to last longer, to be more selfish, to think more of yourself and just appreciate it.

busy as a bee.

so i haven't blogged in a week. i've been so busy and it's finally died down a bit.

after the formal, long weekend, copeless nights of studying for my uni exam and other shenanigans, i finally have some time to myself.

wednesday was dad's birthday, along with my bio exam and a medicine information seminar. there i realised that although i wanna do med, what im more interested in is just pediatrics in general. there was a radiography course that seemed interesting where the guy was like pediatrics radiography was a possible career option afterwards. very interesting!

yesterday was the last of my high school sporting days. it was the last of three school sporting events. i wagged swimming sports, and cross country was cancelled this year so i decided i may as well rock up to my last athletics ever. twas pretty cold. and i guess twas okay. i was just there for moral support. bryce and david owned ^^ last night i went rockclimbing with david and bryce and his friends from church. heights =S and omfg i have no strength at all. it was fun, and i did challenge myself in a way, and climbed walls i thought i couldn't, which was good. but boy do my arms and hands and fingers hurt. lol. then there was a maccas eating competition! FOOD FTW! round one, cookies. round two, 2 soft serves. round 3, cheeseburger. round 4 thickshake and sundae. david won ^^ yays.

this weekend is for catchin up on spesh. so much to do. and sac on wed. then it'll be holidays and finally freee.....to a certain degree. XD

formalities

so after a decent nights sleep and a nice long shower after three days, i finally feel somewhat refreshed.

raelly cbb going into too much detail about the formal.

long story short:

gat
lunch at shoppo
stocked up on supplies at woolies
went home
got ready at davids
went to julz'
hummer - dilemma about julz dress =S
formal
dinner
music
photos
tears
awards
laughs
good times
someone took my suit ==;
fob glasses
funfunfun

then:
my place
all nighter
chuck
junk
fun!

that is all.

and cbs putting a pic here....they're all on fb

p.s. epic pissd and full of rage atm. 10months6days sdknfg3o4ij6t09j43gnw40~!#@~

chemchemchem.

CHEMISTRY IS OVER!

yayyy...well at least for unit 3.
kinda got owned on the exam but o well.
already lost 8marks bahahahaha
and cutoff for A+ will be high this year = me go raped
not too fussed tho. x]

straight back to the books for my 3 sacs and uni exam? lol
went home and did a practice exam for health. bahahahahaa lame i know

but time for some chillaxing...out for dinner tonight, formal tomorrow and a friday to waste =D

long weekend full of work and then an epic homo week ahead + athletics ==;

but then...o yay the freedom!

nothing.

what's left when you have lost everything?
who will be there for you when you lose everything?


as time goes on, more and more people change in an instant, everything you worked for comes to an abrupt halt, and then you wait and expect certain things to just miraculously get better when in reality, they won't.

time is something that i seem to be losing a lot of recently. although i have a chemistry midyear tomorrow, i still find waste a lot of my time. take today for example - i woke up at 12, went to box hill with my grandma and ivan (who had his biology exam today) for lunch and then went home to just waste time on the comp. i don't know why, although i realise i am wasting time, i seem not to be doing anything about it, but maybe that's because i don't feel i'm achieving anything. everyone has been going on about the towers of practice exams they've gone through and how they have been beasting it, whilst me on the other hand, have been getting really disappointing marks. when you work so hard, and put so much effort in, especially when you finally think you are getting the hang of it, the constant crossing of the pen on the exam paper and the low mark you get is just really degrading and upsetting. in less than 24 hours this will all be over. and then straight back to the books again for me for uni exam n sacs =.=

another thing i seem to be losing is the social distances i share between certain people. as time goes on, social distances change. some drift further away, some become closer, and some go up and down like a yo-yo. what do you do when you realize that it's drifting? what do you do when you are giving it your all to fix it and they just seem to say that it's annoying or too much of a hassle? is it a yo-yo with a broken string which can be untangled with time? or is it the cracking of icecaps never to be together again? with the busy exam period it's understandable that all some people want to do is focus on their exams. this is understandable. what is not understandable however is the backlash you get for either being too distant when all you want to do is give them space since they asked for it, or being to in their face because they said you didn't try or care hard enough for them. i keep telling myself that this is just all because of exam stress in the hope that it gets better afterwards, however, im doubtful. maybe this was just an excuse i wanted to make up to hide the inevitable truth.

being the bigger and nicer person always sucks. sometimes in the end you are left with nothing. and it is because of that, i tell myself maybe i should be a little more selfish and think for myself at times. why is it i always have to take the first step? why can't i be the one waiting for things to happen to me for once? especially when you feel like those close to you are like the broken yo-yo, who is going to be there for you when you lose everything? will there even be anyone there for you? who will actually stand by you through thick and thin? when it comes to push and shove, it really is a dog eat dog world. those who you thought were close will pretty much bail on you in an instead, and won't even think remotely about helping you out.


the world is quite selfish, maybe i should be a bit more too.

those exam markers better not be selfish and tight with my exam tmr ==;

jirachi&nichkhun.

so today was first of ten days of no classes. should be using it to cram for chem and bio and numerous sacs...but haven't really started.

i enjoyed a long yearned for sleep in. woke up at 11, but did not get out of bed til 12, where ivan and i text convo'd one another even though we are only a room apart - both were too lazy to get out of bed, both with midyears to cram for. bahahahahahha

had some food, started some chem, then off to shoppo toys'r'us to download jirachi onto pokemon! YAYYS!! god i love pokemon. twas my inspiration for one of my recent uni assignments. sometimes i still feel like such a kid with it, but i guess we all have things that make us feel like kids to just enjoy and all that...but yays for the legendary ^^



afterwards, ivan and i went to get haircuts, mainly because i needed on prior to the formal on thursday. we went to good morning hair and got it cut by the guy we normally get it cut by...josh..he's funny n nice :) i think he screwd my hair up at the start...i hard him go oops. XD but o wells...looks decent i guess...needs some styling though.

here's the guy who i based my hair off: nichkhun@2pm



josh said some funny things:

[J] what's your background again?
[I] chinese malay
[J] i seee....THEN HOW DO YOU KNOW KICHKHUN (he was surprised)
[I] umm...i listen to korean music
[J] ohh..thats cool!
*Without U - 2PM was playing in the background whilst he asked me that, i laughed

bahahahahha and then towards the end...

[J] your hair is TOO straight..do you use wax?
[I] sometimes.
[J] sometimes??!?!?!?! sometimes is it good enough, you have to use it all the time. ill show you how.

he's such a cool guy. LOLLL

buhhh...attempting not to show anyone my haircut til the formal...beanie it up for exams....kekeke im pretty happy with it...no to see if i can actually style it the way he did @.@ it actually looks so shit..epic shit..worse than bowl cut shit when i don't style it. eughhh fml LOL means i needa spend time on it each morning ==; lovely..

so now i'm home studying away for chem...well blogging atm, but will get back to it. LOL

time for some chemchemchem~

eclipse.

An eclipse is an astronomical event that occurs when one celestial object moves into the shadow of another.

Dear Eclipse,

WHY WON'T YOU HURRY UP AND LOAD FMA! I COULD NOT DOWNLOAD IT THIS MORNING AND I'VE BEEN WAITING UP AND REFRESHING YOUR PAGE IN THE HOPE YOU FKN UPDATED IT! I WANT TO WATCH IT NOW!
so please be nice..and hurry up with it.

ian. =)

*updated....yays it came out..n funny thing was...an eclipse was happening in the ep...bahahahha

jenga.

surprises come and go, and can be good or bad.

today was a good one. waiting for people sucks, but sometimes they fall through!

although exams are next week, NEXT WEEK! GG - i still somehow managed to not do anything for it today.

having bryce over didn't help, but we sure had fun just chilling.

an afternoon of wii, binging, bumming and talking, and discovering many uses for jenga to pass time. LOL twas nice to not do any work at all.

now for the jenga dedication;

Jenga is a game of physical and mental skill created by Leslie Scott, and currently marketed by Parker Brothers, a division of Hasbro. During the game, players take turns to remove a block from a tower and balance it on top, creating a taller and increasingly unstable structure as the game progresses.

The word jenga is the imperative form of kujenga, the Swahili verb "to build".

me and bryce's use of jenga blocks:
#1 the actual game


#2 dominoes


#3 "jenga bowling" lol

#4 building the tallest tower wins

#5 spelling out names. bahahahha x]



whoever works out how to make a V tell me..it was impossible for us XD