time.

time passes quickly. there are 86 400 seconds in a day and most people waste them away.

finally i have some time to myself. home alone, nobody on. nothing to distract me.

sometimes life can be a whirlwind. things approach time and time again and you just get sick of it. sometimes you tell yourself you can do it, but when you attempt to physically achieve it, you just don't have the strength to. and from time to time, it can just be exhausting to keep that mask on your face that people recognise as you.

sometimes, all you need is some time to yourself. to cool down. to think. and to just wander off.

amongst all the stuff mentioned in my last post recently, many other things have happened and been eyeopening. certain friendships have been rekindled whilst others seem to be going nowhere. but how do we deal with all the intrarelationships and interrelationships? it's hard to satisfy everyone's needs, and sometimes, by doing so, you don't satisfy your own needs. it may feel like you're treading in deep water when you act one way to one person and another way to another and just totally change facades towards a certain person in totally different situations. i guess in a way, i'm just sick of all the interrelationships between people that causes so much conflict, awkwardness and confusion. it wastes time, and energy and increases stress levels. and considering the importance of this final year of schooling, sometimes i wish it would all just go away and that everything was alright. however i'm not saying everyone should fake it all and act as happy families.

having such little time to myself, i realise how busy i've been, how much i've been working, wasting time away, how much time i've been spending on others, and totally neglecting myself. there are times when you should just think of yourself, and yourself only, but i always seem to forget that. i never seem to put myself first, and that's something i should work on. some people seem to only get closer to you as they have ulterior motives. they seem to use you and act as if they don't and that nothing is okay. sometimes, peoples motives are crystal clear. and yet we hang around to be treated like a rag doll. second best. you may be totally open to one person, total honesty and share everything, but then when you think about, how much do you know in reutrn of that person, how honest are they, and how much have they opened up to you besides the things that you can see and observe quietly. are these people the right people you should be telling things to?

"if you think love is blind, that i wouldn't see the flaws between the lines"

however, there are some, who are there to listen, who are there to share insight and who are there with total honesty. not only do you confide in them, but they confide in you too. this trust is sometimes every hard to find. and when i say confide, i do not mean just rant and bitch about a person and stuff, i mean sharing how you really feel, something meaningful and of depth. how often do you find someone like that?

with time on my hands right now, these are some of the things i guess im thinking about. time passes and life goes on. i guess some things change and although it may be inevitable, we can only hope that they change for the better.

i guess in short, sometimes i just want to forget about the whole world, have the time to myself and ignore all the kefuffle that there is. i just want problems to disappear, and wander off in my own bubble. at time like this, you just want each second to last longer, to be more selfish, to think more of yourself and just appreciate it.