死性不改。

I tried to laugh it off but I made things worse.
You were the first to give, I was the first to ask.
Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance.

-Faber Drive - "Second Chance"

When people stuff up, second chances are often given. There's forgiveness, and the benefit of the doubt. A second chance to set things straight, a second chance to right the wrongs, and a second chance to not make the same mistake again. But what happens when forgiveness becomes repetitive? What happens, when a second chance is needed over and over again? How many chances are people willing to give others?

You'd think that after a second chance, many people would know not to make the same mistake. A second chance to start over new, to wipe the slate clean. But for some, they never learn. They repeat the same mistake time and time. Just like the saying 死性不该 these people can never change. We give them the benefit of the doubt, but at the end of the day, it is only you who will be hurt again. Why can't these people actually appreciate the second chances people give?

It's often hard to find it in yourself to forgive someone. It can be easy, and hard at the same time. The attempt to let go of the past, and restore all faith and trust into the person after they have done something to you to take that trust away. To forgive someone is hard, but to forgive and forget, is sometimes just impossible, just too much to ask for. What would hurt even more is when someone begins to abuse that trust. Seeing someone abuse such forgiveness can be disappointing - it hurts. At times giving someone the benefit of the doubt is the downfall which leads to sadness, to anger, to disappointment, to the point in which you feel like you've lost what's most important.

Second chances are generous offers which should be appreciated. So when second chances are needed time and time again i.e. a third chance, a fourth chance, is there really any point to it? When it gets to that stage, can you really teach a dog new tricks? No. If more than one second chance is needed, then you yourself would need to actually ponder and think about why you keep letting such things happen too.

Appreciate second chances. Many of us often wish we can turn back time; to go back into the past and to change it. As this is impossible, a second chance is as good as it gets.

beliefs.

So I was listening to a song the other day, a song which I used to love listening to, and these few lines of the song always hit me really hard.

but beliefs do what they're made to do,
dividing those of different views.
but i believe love is strong enough,
to cross the great divide.

there's no one here to blame,
just an unfamiliar game.
it's not important that we see things eye to eye.

-Levi Kreis "We're Okay"

Because there are so many different religions in the world, this diversity is always going to intertwine amongst people on a day to day basis. Different views, different beliefs, are often the cause of conflict. So can people with such differences in their lives really function and work together? Can they actually become close?

There have been many instances where I've seen people place faith, or their values before very close friends, and even loved ones. Whilst there is some tolerance, and patience towards such instances, how long and how much can a person actually bear to be with someone who cannot see that sometimes there are other things that are important around them that they should actually be aware of.

Different views often result to quarreling, arguments and conflict based on the mere fact that neither party can agree. Disagreement based on the fact that the lives they lead are completely driven by different things. So can people from two different worlds actually be together? Can they actually share such close friendships, when such disagreements arise? Often it takes quite open minded and accepting people for such things to work. Patience is needed, and some sacrifices are often needed to be made.

Whilst there are many people who do share different views, different values, and different beliefs in this world, if people accept and acknowledge such things, and learn to listen, a lot can be met halfway. But what about the narrow-minded people who are completely driven by the one thing they believe in and won't see things any other way? How can they actually become close to someone who does not share the same views? We can hope that the other person is patient and accepting of such things, or sometimes, people should let go, and let things fall into place. You cannot force people to believe in something they don't believe in, but you can be understanding about it, and love them for who they are.

half-time.

so it's halfway through the holidays.

1. my plan for the amount of work i do has failed
2. i've done very little work

whilst i've attempted to, little work has been accomplished.

exams are drawer ever so closer and still it hasn't really hit me yet.

UMAT results came, and i must say, i was not impressed.

have been visiting people and doing things, the social life, but this has meant studies have been neglected as per usual. XD

addiction.

Addiction - being abnormally tolerant to and dependent on something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming (especially alcohol or narcotic drugs)

Some people have them. Good addictions. Bad addictions. Chocoholics, workaholics and people who are addicted to drugs. Or maybe, you're just addicted to the one song, the one person, the one thing in your life that can give you that fixation, the relief, that hit to take away the stress, the pain, the cravings, and the anxiety. Most drug addicts take drugs to give themselves that sensation; the sensation of a hit after a long craving, but is craving something, and is the sensation itself really bad? Or is it just the fact that the remedy is something bad?

This week has been a long and stressful week - nothing too serious, and I'm glad it's over. I guess during the week, I too was craving for more time, craving for it to be all over, and craving for the workload to go away, which in the end, it has, and I've never felt better. This was originally going to be a more negative blog about addiction, but because of my mood, there's a positive spin on it too now.

We're all addicted to something. And addiction itself isn't actually that bad. It's what you're addicted to that determines whether it is bad or not. Of course, over fixating on the one thing all the time is bad, but some fixation can actually be good for you. Fixating on the one thing, allows you to concentrate on it. It allows you to focus on it, to achieve it. But sometimes this can get out of hand, and people can get too carried away.

Certain people often crave, or are addicted to other people. They can't stop thinking about them. Thinking about what they are doing, thinking about what they like, thinking about the times together. Whilst some people may find it perfectly normal to place so much emphasis onto the one person, the one remedy, the one hit in their life right now, to the other person, it may just seem plain weird. You cannot let one person consume your whole life, just because you may like them.

Addictions need to be controlled. They cannot get out of hand or you'll lose yourself in the process. People who have been addicted to certain things, may have let go due to such consumptions and tolls they have taken to their lives. We all need a boost at times, we just have to find the right thing, and the right dosage.

holidays.

yay it's the holidays! finally!

had my last sac ever today, and it felt good. ended the week pretty happy with most my sacs, besides today's one, but it's a good feeling to have all of them done! even got chocolate for it. ^^ and then chilled deep at bh.

this week has been long and hard, but for some reason, it's been one of the happiest ones i've had. and now the relief holidays now. nothing planned, but study...well attempting to.

to think it's all coming to an end really soon.

struggle.

Do we always have to end up on top? Is winning everything? In some cases yes, but in others, no.

In society, people are constantly competing against one another, fighting over rivalries, showing off who is better, and hoping that they are the best, that they stand out. Whilst you see some people in such light upon a pedestal, there are those that are often forgotten. Those that worked hard. Those that struggled. Those that could not make the distance.

Many people who put in the effort, may not always produce the results they want. Whilst you see some people with the natural talent, for those lacking it, much time is spent on practice behind closed doors in the hope to achieve what they actually want. It is often apparent to see who is struggling. We've all been there before. Seeing everyone surpass you when you feel you're the one that should be leading the pack. In a way, it is similar to the "kicking you when you're down" analogy. You've put in the effort but you don't see the result. The setback has pushed you down to the ground. As you see everyone walk pass you feel a sense of disappointment, a sense of uselessness, and a sense of failure. The struggle to get back up is hard, and as you raise your hand, hoping someone realises and helps you back up, you realise the only way to get back up is to rely on yourself, to bounce back stronger.

It is the struggle before the success that is the achievement. People who struggle, often find it hard to confide in people. They are too embarrassed to ask for help, or in some cases, are too stubborn to. And it is because of this, that many underachievers, underdogs, and those that get underestimated, work harder by themselves, ignore all help, just to prove a point.

But what about those who struggle and never achieve what they deserve? What about those who struggle, and have voices that are never heard? Sometimes they are noticed, but often just left alone. Most people often disregard, pretend not to see, and do not offer help. They decide to save themselves the hassle. But does it really hurt to help those that struggle? Just something small, something simple, it suffices. A simple word of encouragement, a simple 'are you okay' can make all the difference.

chaos.

let the week of chaos begin.
whilst it may seem long and painful, i'm sure that by the end of it, i will feel that it has whirlwinded through.

today was the start of it.

monday - uni bio prac, EL sac, spesh test
wednesday - spesh sac (i haven't done the chapter work for it)
thursday - uni bio prac (write up due the next week) and chem sac
friday - hhd sac @.@

then it's the holidays...holiday...yes....if only.

sanctuary.

Just like the glorious northern star you guided me
Shining a light of pure tranquility
To a secret place where no-one else could go
Free to reveal the things I never show
Somewhere to love somewhere to breathe
Somewhere to call my sanctuary

A sanctuary can be define as the following: a place where sacred objects are kept, a refuge - shelter from danger or hardship, or an area around the altar of a church. To most people, only the first two definitions would have something of meaning to them. Many of us find sanctuaries within people, within places, within objects, and within memories. They are the things that make reality that much easier to live in. They are the things that we turn to when there doesn't seem to be much hope. They are the things that we find comfort in. And they are the things that we fight for.

But does a sanctuary exist for everyone? Does everyone have the same luxury of having someone to turn to, having comfort food, being able to confide in someone, or just have something warm to hold on to when everything else seems to be going wrong.

For those fortunate enough, many of our sanctuaries exist in the most obscure places - amongst food, friends, family, photos, memories, or places. Comfort food is just a ridiculous example of this. But on a more serious note, many of us have friends we all trust, all confide in, who are always there and make you feel like everything is actually is worth it. They are the people who you would actually go out of your way for. Whilst at times there may be tension between you and them, it is quite often just an overnight thing. But in times of hardship and need, and when you need them most, you can always count on them. Some friends, whilst they may not be as accountable, can often give you the warmth you need, without them consciously knowing it. They make you feel comfortable when you're around them, they make you smile, and they make everything else at the time insignificant.

Family is also one of the biggest supports an individual can come across. Whilst their constant care and concern they have for you may come across as frustrating at times, without them, what differentiates our family from others. The love they have for us is beyond what anyone else can ever give. Appreciate those around you, appreciate the home they provide, the warm and safe place that you know you can always go home to with welcoming arms and a lovely meal. Family members to age and do become older, and they eventually leave us, so appreciate the ones around you, and support what they do like they would to you.

Photos, memories, and places. They all remind us of a time that we find significant, something of importance, but how do they become part of ones sanctuary? We often find ourselves beaten down by the ruthlessness reality brings to us. And we often find it a lot harder to get back up, when we're already on the ground. It is these memories that we hold on to, that give us hope, that give us something to believe in, and that give us an escape from the harsh reality into a place where we once found comfort, safety and warmth by reliving such memories.

So what does your sanctuary provide you? Besides the whole idea of safety, warmth, protection and so on? I find it to be a place where you can forget all your troubles. A place where it is quite easy for you to smile. A care-free place, without worry. Somewhere for you to delve deep into and just lose yourself, whilst maintaining that sense of security.

what if..

My head's full of thoughts

Thoughts of you
And I'm distracted so easy
Thinking what to do
So unsure, so unfamiliar
Am I wrong to think that something could happen

Many of us often spend a lot of time thinking, too much time thinking. Whether it'd be thinking about a person, or an issue, a lot of us often lie wide awake at night, thinking about all the possibilities, thinking about all the "what ifs", and thinking about the decisions and choices we have made that have lead to such a result.

It's often hard to deal with reality, and the hurdles that it makes you jump over. This often leads to thinking, something which many may lack, when making such decisions in the first place. You wonder what would have happened if things were different. You wonder what would have happened if you never said those words. You wonder what would have happened if you actually put that extra bit of effort in. Such minuscule things, causing such big ripples. But what can we actually do about all of this?

What difference can we actually make when thinking about such things. Can we really change what has happened? Or do we think about such things, because they are imperfect? Because they are something we regret, something we want to take back, something that we could have changed, something we wished was better. Whilst all these thoughts may fill your head it is often hard to actually rid yourself of them. The processes made, and all the possibilities are thought upon one after another, and at times, just like a runaway train, it cannot be stopped. You think to yourself, what if?

What if I lead the way
What if I make mistakes (will you be there?)
What if I change the world
What if I take the blame (will you be there?)

So what if this happened? And what if that happened? What if this didn't happen? Would they have actually changed what has happened? All these thoughts are often our regrets and us thinking about the things that we have done, the things that we haven't done, the things that were left unsaid and the things that were said and taken too far and how'd they might have changed what has happened. Whether it be the cause of a fight, the loss of a loved one, or just a simple mistake.

Many of us often have these regrets and mistakes made to our lives, which we wish we could untangle and undo. For some, the damage may be irreversible, and the only peace of mind, which in turn, may be what hurts the most, may be the impossible idea of things just getting better, returning to normal. For others, all these what ifs may actually cause the individual to reflect, think and change. They learn from it, and attempt to fix things. For these people, the second chances they are offered are rare and something that should be held on to.

So why can't it be as easy as wishing for it to all go away, and for things just to be the way they were, the way we wanted them to be, perfect - reliving that moment in time when everything was at its highest and peaking. Why do we all have to face reality, and live with such decisions that were made, whilst telling ourselves, and immersing ourselves in thoughts of other various possible outcomes which may have resulted differently. In the end, we just all wish for that second chance, that chance to change what has been done, to right such wrongs and regrets we live with.

All these thoughts about someone, something can consume one if not controlled. All the what ifs, and all the possibilities that we think about, are in the hope that things could be better. At times, they are our excuses, whilst at times they are the reality in which we would all like to live in. Most of the time however, what has occurred may actually be the best result, with minimized repercussions, and which changes who we are for the better.

milestones & the things that count.

so it's my 50th blog. it's not that special, but it is the spark that has lit the fire, which is the theme of this post - milestones and the little things.

milestones are significant events in our lives, whilst the little things in life, are those that aren't as significant, but can also influence your mood, for better or worse. each milestone, each insignificant event varies for all individuals. some of these are shared with others, whilst some, are kept private, to ourselves, and close to our heart. some of these, can be the light that shines on your grimmest day, whilst some, can be the slightest disappointment that ruins a perfect day. whilst milestones are seen to be significant, and those little things that count do not, both of these define, shape and influence the way we feel, what we do, and how we grow. they are both just as important.

whilst the little things may seem insignificant to others, to an individual, they may mean the world. just a simple text can brighten ones day. just an essence of acknowledgment, a simple thank-you can make a day. sometimes remembering the little things, and making them count can make a difference. one little thing may seem tiny, somewhat meaningless and minuscule, but add a lot of them together, and they can stand for something much bigger, something of much more importance.

milestones are significant events in our past - the good and the bad. anniversaries of such events, or even mere reminders of them can often trigger a roller-coaster of emotions; joy, grief, anger, frustration, happiness, regret etc. appreciate the good ones, and learn from the bad ones. if such memories can be shared with others, than appreciate them even more. hang on to them, as you never know what will happen in the future. some milestones may be celebrated with others one day, but the next, it can be one that makes you reminisce, regret, and ask what has happened. the ones that can be shared with people, can often be taken away as people walk in and out of your life.

each moment in your life, whether you know it or not, changes who you are. each one has its defining story, their own little tale. some are like fairytales with happy endings, some may be epic and end dismally, some may be fables and have a moral to it, and some may just be too plain and long to read. and just like any book, those the stories that can be enjoyed are often retold over and over again. even those that are sad, and end badly, if written well, and even if it does hurt, are often retold, whereas those that make no sense, lack any substance, and those that you just do not have the time or concern for, can become meaningless, and may as well just be a book with blank pages, a blank canvas, so that they can be rewritten.