patience is not a virtue! sometimes....certain people and things push the boundaries and step over the line. and other times...you wait forever and ever for something that never comes...and you ask yourself, what's the point in waiting? is it wishful thinking and not wanting to be disappointed further? or the fact that you don't want to risk losing it and missing out if you opt to wait no longer.
i hate buses! i hate public transport. LOL i waited over an hour for a bus today. i swear...my double free..turned into no free at all...i heard the bells for the period go whilst waiting for the bus. in the time i waited....five buses should have gone past.
NOT
A
SINGLE
BUS
DECIDED
TO
SHOW
UP!!
and i was raging oh so bad.
and another thing i hate...people running yellow-almost-red-lights. especially old people ==;
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
assert yourself.
many of us quite often find it hard to trust ourselves, trust our own instinct, and lack the self-confidence we have. although there is potential, quite often this is hindered by the fact that we doubt ourselves, doubt one another, and doubt any possibility there is to success.
i for one lack a lot of self-confidence, and most people would seem to agree. this is quite evident in tests and anything important for school eg. sacs and exams. i always tend to feel i do bad, however, my friends always seem to find it annoying how i end up doing well. i guess i too believe i do bad to begin with though. whilst doing well does give me the confidence....it quite often seems to be knocked back down. when i actually believe in myself i often do worse and disappoint as opposed to doubting myself and then surprising myself in the end. so why bother disappointing yourself when you can surprise yourself? i ask myself this all the time.
with the end of vce drawing near, i am again having a lot of doubts in myself. i am seriously doubting my chances of getting into medicine now due to the UMAT...shit scared about it and i'd be lucky enough to even get an interview. xD and with vtac applications opening soon 953257927052305701 decisions are going through my head. not to mention the numerous sacs coming up...and still my 18th just around the corner. *sighs
so i tell myself at times - BE ASSERTIVE! but how much faith can you actually put into yourself? a little motto my friends and i made up to survive unit 2 biology in yr9: dream, believe, achieve! that actually worked for us back then. now on the other hand, i always seem to doubt myself. no point expecting or dreaming of the impossible? no point expecting too much just to be disappointed? i try to be as confident as i can these days, as quite often my self-confidence is the cause of my downfall. but as confident as i can be, i try not to strive that much anymore and am realistic.
i for one lack a lot of self-confidence, and most people would seem to agree. this is quite evident in tests and anything important for school eg. sacs and exams. i always tend to feel i do bad, however, my friends always seem to find it annoying how i end up doing well. i guess i too believe i do bad to begin with though. whilst doing well does give me the confidence....it quite often seems to be knocked back down. when i actually believe in myself i often do worse and disappoint as opposed to doubting myself and then surprising myself in the end. so why bother disappointing yourself when you can surprise yourself? i ask myself this all the time.
with the end of vce drawing near, i am again having a lot of doubts in myself. i am seriously doubting my chances of getting into medicine now due to the UMAT...shit scared about it and i'd be lucky enough to even get an interview. xD and with vtac applications opening soon 953257927052305701 decisions are going through my head. not to mention the numerous sacs coming up...and still my 18th just around the corner. *sighs
so i tell myself at times - BE ASSERTIVE! but how much faith can you actually put into yourself? a little motto my friends and i made up to survive unit 2 biology in yr9: dream, believe, achieve! that actually worked for us back then. now on the other hand, i always seem to doubt myself. no point expecting or dreaming of the impossible? no point expecting too much just to be disappointed? i try to be as confident as i can these days, as quite often my self-confidence is the cause of my downfall. but as confident as i can be, i try not to strive that much anymore and am realistic.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
misc.
so who here is guilty of standing by and letting important things, significant things, or even just minuscule things pass by and not do anything about it?
im pretty sure the majority of us here have just stood by and done nothing. but is there really ever a time we should step in
? especially when interfering with other people's business. to you, you may seem to be caring, to others, it may seem like your just in their face plain rude and annoying. whilst at times you get told off or ridiculed for just standing there like a tree and let everything pass by, other times you also get hassled about meddling and interfering. so what exactly is the point? you don't do anything to mind your own business and to give them personal space, and you intervene or act upon because you actually care. either way, you don't get appreciated half the time.
just recently i've realised some people are constantly being shut down day after day. to others it may seem hilarious, whilst to the person copping it, it can seem like hell. i guess i'm not the type who is all self righteous and steps in and takes action. i personally am more the type who would be there for the person, comfort them, make sure they're okay and just be there for support.
however, sometimes this care and support isn't enough. some people may just say you're all talk and no action as you don't do anything to act upon it, but at times little do these people realise the amount of effort, time and care you actually put into something. and all you get in return is....silence.
to some, silence may mean everything. to others it may mean the absence of something. whilst some people see person-x and person-y as two identical versions of another, x likes acknowledgment, whilst y doesn't like to make a fuss. x likes to talk, whilst y likes silence. when confronted about awkward silences y goes 'i like being with you because we don't have to say anything'. is that supposed to mean something nice? is it in his mind that just company and time together is enough, without communicating how the other feels?
silence and absence does make the heart grow fonder. you basically want what you can't have. but it gets to a point where you have waited long enough that it is time to think for yourself. at the same time, some silences should just be broken. simple acknowledgments, small acts of kindness and the little things to show that you remember and care all suffice.
but what do you do when the absence is there for good. when something is gone permanently. do you willingly accept defeat in a way or do you fight for it? some people don't realise what is standing right in front of them...but idk...i've just rambled on all blog from one thing to another with not much coherence...o wells and now idk how to end it. but yeaa...
some people just tell you to ignore things, to forget about things, and to just stop caring.
but it easier said than done, it isn't just some switch we can flick on and off.
if only the world worked like that.
im pretty sure the majority of us here have just stood by and done nothing. but is there really ever a time we should step in
? especially when interfering with other people's business. to you, you may seem to be caring, to others, it may seem like your just in their face plain rude and annoying. whilst at times you get told off or ridiculed for just standing there like a tree and let everything pass by, other times you also get hassled about meddling and interfering. so what exactly is the point? you don't do anything to mind your own business and to give them personal space, and you intervene or act upon because you actually care. either way, you don't get appreciated half the time.
just recently i've realised some people are constantly being shut down day after day. to others it may seem hilarious, whilst to the person copping it, it can seem like hell. i guess i'm not the type who is all self righteous and steps in and takes action. i personally am more the type who would be there for the person, comfort them, make sure they're okay and just be there for support.
however, sometimes this care and support isn't enough. some people may just say you're all talk and no action as you don't do anything to act upon it, but at times little do these people realise the amount of effort, time and care you actually put into something. and all you get in return is....silence.
to some, silence may mean everything. to others it may mean the absence of something. whilst some people see person-x and person-y as two identical versions of another, x likes acknowledgment, whilst y doesn't like to make a fuss. x likes to talk, whilst y likes silence. when confronted about awkward silences y goes 'i like being with you because we don't have to say anything'. is that supposed to mean something nice? is it in his mind that just company and time together is enough, without communicating how the other feels?
silence and absence does make the heart grow fonder. you basically want what you can't have. but it gets to a point where you have waited long enough that it is time to think for yourself. at the same time, some silences should just be broken. simple acknowledgments, small acts of kindness and the little things to show that you remember and care all suffice.
but what do you do when the absence is there for good. when something is gone permanently. do you willingly accept defeat in a way or do you fight for it? some people don't realise what is standing right in front of them...but idk...i've just rambled on all blog from one thing to another with not much coherence...o wells and now idk how to end it. but yeaa...
some people just tell you to ignore things, to forget about things, and to just stop caring.
but it easier said than done, it isn't just some switch we can flick on and off.
if only the world worked like that.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Tang & Co.
Happy Birthday to youuuuu
Happy Birthday to youuuuuu
Happy Birthday to iaaaannnn
Happy Birthday tooooooooooooo YOU :)
soooo it's 6am and ive almost been up for a whole 24 hours....celebrating my 18th early, leaving holiday homework until literally the very last minute >___<yiling whilst watching others play fifa and just lazy around binging on food. *drools still cant believe im thinking about that much food after cake, bingefest and drinkfest at karaoke, buffet, and more binging at home with new home made white chocolate macadamia icecream!!!!!! *in heaven "it's so yummehhh!" surprisingly hungry considering its..early..and..T_T all those desserts.. now like 50 kilos heavier after epic dessert gorging.
woke up this morning to get a haircut with ivan (yesterday morning as corrected by yiling). thinking today would be a good day, i woke up early to take my time and get ready so i wouldn't be rushed but OMFG ivan gets stomach ache, goes toilet...then i get a fkn stomach ache...goes toilet too....late for appointment, misses bus GFG o and before i go on about the rest of the day with yiling...lemme quickly say thanks to everyone who came yesterday and crashing over today, thanks for the pressies, good times and fun ^^ thanks to ivan, thanks to bryce and thanks to the asians for screwing me over with my holiday hwk! jks love you guys =)
OMGGGPHOTOWORLD.
asian photowhoring ftw (:
hooray for erica's gg birthday card!
only because raych told ian he would JUST for his bday ehehe we failed but photoworld photos FINALLY. GRAFFITI MUCH?
"penis for yiling and ray - ian"
T_T and then QV cake on cardboard! heheheh plastic spoons from GJs..DQ eating off a piece of recycled cardboard, clutching a brand new super $$$ burberry bag.. LOL!
then offs to the partyworld....karaoke...with white people immersed in an asian experience bahahahahahha go bryce...my dim sim ^^ bhhs asians, billy and david skc and co asians and ivan were all there.....sucks that david couldnt stay the whole day...stupid sumo salad rostering him on when he took the day off ==; yay for singing...even though my throat died halfway through....(YAY FOR TAMBOURINE xD)
got some pressies and some shocks and omfgs....but twas all good in general. some peoples couldnt make it but o wells.
some epic moments:
-dropping my new camera within 10minutes GFGGG!
-thinking my primary skl fnds were serious about getting me nothing even though i was cut on the inside coudlnt show it at all . . . . . .
-singing MULAN!!!! LOLLL
-knocking the drinks over with the superlong mics.
-realising there was a new fusball table
-the imba security guards staring in at us so i couldnt eat my lollies =(
-monash calling me saying they sent me a $200 cheque =)
-sing sing sing
-bryce singing!
and then BAIL for dinner.
On the way to dinner: Eugene pimping..and missing the tram foodfoodfood omnomnomnom
WE WERE ALL SO LOST.
and the fiesty floor manager T_T killlll. SIGH.
but so much fooding
"omfg that lady was a bitch! "
AND SO MANY HALF KILO PRAWNS..that only dq had LOL of course, ian being photowhore!
of course yl didnt write much, she just had dessert after dessert after dessert after dessert and couldn't move. "HEY! not fair..i iceskated so much T_T"
i didn't eat much, twasn't really in the mood...twas pretty stressful cuz of that bitch...and then others couldn't make it etc. >_< style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">--tram--
the walk to ice skating almost killed ian! my poor ojiisan ><
so old and frail and infirm now that he's 180...
should've invested in a walking stick for his birthday!
or false teeth
kekeke iceskating! in docklands!
With DQ ditching the entry fee to be a nerd in the cafe
"random note i forgot about buffet XD...aaron shouted me a cocktail...of course being 180 i didn't get tipsy at all..plenty of exp with my ageee. bahahahahaha"
AND LOL RAYCH KEENAN. tehehehehehe. everyone was stacking it.. and attempting to dance on ice skates! yay nutbush/macarena/chicken dance/thriller xD gg had california gurls stuck in my head all day and the second i take my skates off, it comes on >.<
everyone went off but i wasn't willing to go off cuz i hadn't stacked it yet...but i eventually did. =D
julz also sed she'd take me clubbing? o.0
LOLLLLL tram ride to flinders and omfg run for the train with 3min.
ivan hit the ticket machine on the tramcuz the tram braked whilst i was running into the barricades cuz of the train T___T done car went home...the other went to drop bryce home.
and i got my icecream at his house! yayss...he gave me part1 of a birthday card?
LOLLLl yays for more to come from him kekekeke
now at ians..have been since 1am... still up xD movieeees so so soooo much binging teeheee and now fifa... and us sitting here blogging hahaha
im hungry again
DQ binges over and over and over. what to do now...back to socialising? omfg so screwed for homework. all in all twas a pretty good day with penty of ups and some downs >_< style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">omnomnomchips.
Happy Birthday to youuuuuu
Happy Birthday to iaaaannnn
Happy Birthday tooooooooooooo YOU :)
soooo it's 6am and ive almost been up for a whole 24 hours....celebrating my 18th early, leaving holiday homework until literally the very last minute >___<
woke up this morning to get a haircut with ivan (yesterday morning as corrected by yiling). thinking today would be a good day, i woke up early to take my time and get ready so i wouldn't be rushed but OMFG ivan gets stomach ache, goes toilet...then i get a fkn stomach ache...goes toilet too....late for appointment, misses bus GFG o and before i go on about the rest of the day with yiling...lemme quickly say thanks to everyone who came yesterday and crashing over today, thanks for the pressies, good times and fun ^^ thanks to ivan, thanks to bryce and thanks to the asians for screwing me over with my holiday hwk! jks love you guys =)
OMGGGPHOTOWORLD.
asian photowhoring ftw (:
hooray for erica's gg birthday card!
only because raych told ian he would JUST for his bday ehehe we failed but photoworld photos FINALLY. GRAFFITI MUCH?
"penis for yiling and ray - ian"
T_T and then QV cake on cardboard! heheheh plastic spoons from GJs..DQ eating off a piece of recycled cardboard, clutching a brand new super $$$ burberry bag.. LOL!
then offs to the partyworld....karaoke...with white people immersed in an asian experience bahahahahahha go bryce...my dim sim ^^ bhhs asians, billy and david skc and co asians and ivan were all there.....sucks that david couldnt stay the whole day...stupid sumo salad rostering him on when he took the day off ==; yay for singing...even though my throat died halfway through....(YAY FOR TAMBOURINE xD)
got some pressies and some shocks and omfgs....but twas all good in general. some peoples couldnt make it but o wells.
some epic moments:
-dropping my new camera within 10minutes GFGGG!
-thinking my primary skl fnds were serious about getting me nothing even though i was cut on the inside coudlnt show it at all . . . . . .
-singing MULAN!!!! LOLLL
-knocking the drinks over with the superlong mics.
-realising there was a new fusball table
-the imba security guards staring in at us so i couldnt eat my lollies =(
-monash calling me saying they sent me a $200 cheque =)
-sing sing sing
-bryce singing!
and then BAIL for dinner.
On the way to dinner: Eugene pimping..and missing the tram foodfoodfood omnomnomnom
WE WERE ALL SO LOST.
and the fiesty floor manager T_T killlll. SIGH.
but so much fooding
"omfg that lady was a bitch! "
AND SO MANY HALF KILO PRAWNS..that only dq had LOL of course, ian being photowhore!
of course yl didnt write much, she just had dessert after dessert after dessert after dessert and couldn't move. "HEY! not fair..i iceskated so much T_T"
i didn't eat much, twasn't really in the mood...twas pretty stressful cuz of that bitch...and then others couldn't make it etc. >_< style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">--tram--
the walk to ice skating almost killed ian! my poor ojiisan ><
so old and frail and infirm now that he's 180...
should've invested in a walking stick for his birthday!
or false teeth
kekeke iceskating! in docklands!
With DQ ditching the entry fee to be a nerd in the cafe
"random note i forgot about buffet XD...aaron shouted me a cocktail...of course being 180 i didn't get tipsy at all..plenty of exp with my ageee. bahahahahaha"
AND LOL RAYCH KEENAN. tehehehehehe. everyone was stacking it.. and attempting to dance on ice skates! yay nutbush/macarena/chicken dance/thriller xD gg had california gurls stuck in my head all day and the second i take my skates off, it comes on >.<
everyone went off but i wasn't willing to go off cuz i hadn't stacked it yet...but i eventually did. =D
julz also sed she'd take me clubbing? o.0
LOLLLLL tram ride to flinders and omfg run for the train with 3min.
ivan hit the ticket machine on the tramcuz the tram braked whilst i was running into the barricades cuz of the train T___T done car went home...the other went to drop bryce home.
and i got my icecream at his house! yayss...he gave me part1 of a birthday card?
LOLLLl yays for more to come from him kekekeke
now at ians..have been since 1am... still up xD movieeees so so soooo much binging teeheee and now fifa... and us sitting here blogging hahaha
im hungry again
DQ binges over and over and over. what to do now...back to socialising? omfg so screwed for homework. all in all twas a pretty good day with penty of ups and some downs >_< style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">omnomnomchips.
Friday, July 2, 2010
没有你的最后一天.
ten months six days - after all of the efforts and times that i tried, maybe i was in way too deep.
sometimes i just feel like disappearing and letting people do whatever pleases themselves.
apologies to those who care, and apologies for those who i seem to care to much for and just "suffocate" them as they put it.
people talk about crying in the rain so that nobody notices. showers are exactly the same, and your alone in them too. just had a 30 minute shower...sigh. it blocks your nose and makes it hard to breathe >_< and altough some people say letting it all out helps sometimes, tonight it didnt.
lying, deceit, manipulation, interrogation, suspicion, pain and suffering, isolation, sadness - so over all of this.
i remember my last 5 birthdays ending up in tears thinking year after year it would be different and wishing that it would be better....i was expecting so much for my 18th, and now, i just feel like ima feel a sense of deja vu.
And I can’t STAND the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t STAND the pain
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I’m fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
sometimes i just feel like disappearing and letting people do whatever pleases themselves.
apologies to those who care, and apologies for those who i seem to care to much for and just "suffocate" them as they put it.
people talk about crying in the rain so that nobody notices. showers are exactly the same, and your alone in them too. just had a 30 minute shower...sigh. it blocks your nose and makes it hard to breathe >_< and altough some people say letting it all out helps sometimes, tonight it didnt.
lying, deceit, manipulation, interrogation, suspicion, pain and suffering, isolation, sadness - so over all of this.
i remember my last 5 birthdays ending up in tears thinking year after year it would be different and wishing that it would be better....i was expecting so much for my 18th, and now, i just feel like ima feel a sense of deja vu.
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